The word pursue, according to google :), means to follow or seek, attain or accomplish a goal, especially over a long period of time. Lately, I feel like God keeps asking and reminding me of two things, 1) what are you pursuing and 2) fear is not from the Lord and is paralyzing. I haven’t really been able to connect the two in my current season but could see one or the other at various times. But today, during my reading it connected.
Without even realizing it, sometimes I find myself pursuing the wrong things. I catch myself and am like, “What am I doing? Why did that comment sting? Why is this bothering me? Why am I defensive? Why am I now in a bad mood?” Most times, the answer is easy, I was pursuing something from those around me, even unknowingly, and it was out of place. Maybe it was approval or acceptance or security. Whatever in that moment it was, I quickly realized that pursuing these things from others isn’t good. While we all want to be accepted, approved of and secure, we have all those things IN Christ. Putting those expectations on others is out of place.
Then the fear aspect comes into play….how does pursuing the wrong things connect to fear? Because, if I’m unable to get my perspective realigned then I begin to shrink back in fear and insecurities begin to rule. Well, if I’m not accepted I can’t speak up. If I’m not approved of I can’t ever make progress. If I’m insecure, I won’t be able to walk in the fullness of what God has for me. Bottom line…I’ll blame others for my lack of pursuing God’s divine plan for my life. Essentially…Enemy = 1, Erin = 0! This is how the enemy works! He distorts our thinking of ourselves, of others and ultimately of Christ’s ability to work in and through us.
As I read on this morning the two became undoubtedly clear on their connection. The things I pursue either push me forward or draw me back in fear. Vulnerable moment…I have allowed fear to so feed my insecurities that I physically could not breathe. I was viewing myself as timid and withdrawn, convincing myself I was just being super humble. No, I was riddled with fear that was fattening my insecurities which was halting any forward progress. NOT good! While having an overly inflated view of yourself is equally damaging, allowing insecurities to push you backwards is the enemy’s fuel.
There is balance in life…knowing who you are IN Christ is the first step. Deciding that your future and destiny is in God’s hands alone, is revelation. We will all experience great highs and lows in life and if we choose to blame others for them, we’ll spend way too much time, that you never get back, trying to justify why we are where we are or why we feel the way we do. Rather, we should accept and walk in the strength that God is above all things, He allows what He chooses and does so to form us into who He needs us to be to do what He has prepared for us to do. Without the preparation that comes from trials, victories and losses, we aren’t equipped to handle what the next season will bring.
Realizing what I am pursing and from whom is my meditation this week. What am I expecting from others, myself and the Lord? Do I have these confused? Am I expecting from others what only Christ can deliver? Hmmm…gotta get it straight and keep it that way in order to have a healthy perspective and heart. God decides and my pursuit of Him is the priority. In that, there is no room for fear and advancement is inevitable.
Be blessed today! XOXO – Erin
Erin L.A. Jones 
Good stuff! I love your insight!!
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